June has arrived. Midway through the year. Alece asked over on Grit and Glory how our One Word for the year was going. Although I posted yesterday that I would be hit or miss for the next few weeks I knew I needed to write this post. If nothing more than a check for myself. Really a reminder for myself. To be honest though the temptation to simply skip this update was strong.
Why? I never imagined how hard living out this word would be.
Eucharisteo. As I read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and discovered this beautiful word soaked with meaning, I knew God wanted me to focus on this word. Grace. Thanksgiving. Joy.
Don't misinterpret my thoughts here. Life is good. (Well except for this unseasonably hot early summer here.) I am blessed more than I deserve.
Mentally and emotionally though I struggle some. I hesitate to admit that here. I don't want anyone to worry or think anything is wrong. I don't want family members calling or suggesting a fix. I have a melancholy bent though. I've never been that happy go lucky kind of girl. We could rehash life experiences as to why, but it's not necessary. God knew all of my quirks before I was even formed.
The meaning in Eucharisteo though. I knew I needed this word to become a deep part of me. I needed to search for even the smallest graces, the smallest gifts and give thanks. I wanted that deep joy that can be found.
I'm convinced when we set out on a journey to seek God more there will be resistance. Whether it is the enemy trying to discourage or God allowing us to be tested there is resistance. The past couple of months I have felt that resistance. I forget to focus on seeking the gifts. I dwell too much on the frustrations in life. My feelings have been easily hurt. I've struggled to stay in an exercise routine. There are situations that have caused some angst and worry.
Yet I'm once again reminded to take my focus off the external situations I can't control and look for the gifts and give thanks. Even if it feels like I'm simply going through the motions I know the joy and peace this simple exercise brings. The reminder of how faithful and gracious God always is. Once I refocus and give thanks my emotions, my mindset changes.
So has my word for 2011 been easy? No. Am I giving up. No. More than anything I know I must continue to fight through. To make it a discipline, a habit, to count the gifts. When the indiscriminate waves of struggle find me I know where and how I will find the joy.
