Affirmation and Validation

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. -- 1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV)

I’ve shared before how I struggle with self esteem issues.  A lot of times the head knowledge of knowing I’m valued by God (and even my familyand friends) clashes with needing to feel affirmed and appreciated.

I find it ironic that I have no issues with my hair going grey very early. I refuse to color it because I like it, yet I struggle with self esteem in most other areas. Mainly creatively.

I know I’m not the most creative person on the planet. I’m okay with that. I’m the first to admit I’m inhibited. Inhibited by the fear of what others will think, what they will say, will they not like me, etc. Hurtful remarks make me retreat within myself and it takes 100 times as many positive remarks for me to pull myself back out. It’s a constant battle and a balance.

A constant battle to remind myself that I am valued even though I’m rarely told. A balance to remain humble and remember God gave me the gifts I have when someone does speak words of affirmation to me.

But let’s face it. It’s nice to be appreciated for our gifts and talents.

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day about his recent concert. He was really excited that some of his family was able to be there and how they told him how great he did. He said it made him feel validated.  I thought his choice of "validate" was an interesting word to use so I looked it up.

Validate:  to recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy of

Isn’t that what we all want? To feel worthy? To feel legitimate?

Over the past week God sent a couple of friends my way to affirm me.

One friend did it without realizing it. By simply asking for my creative take on something this friend made me feel validated. It made me feel like my creative thoughts are legitimate and worthy of voicing.

I was recently invited to be on the board of a local arts organization. The phone call inviting me was an unexpected surprise. Yesterday I was discussing with a friend who is a member of the same board how excited I was, but also how nervous I feel. She shared the kindest words to reassure me that I do have something to offer.

I am so very grateful that God sent these friends with these words and actions. While everything I have to offer and give comes from him it is also nice to feel affirmed. To feel validated.

Do you struggle with needing to feel affirmed? Does God send friends with just the right words when you need it?

I'm joining in the Keep Faith Fresh Community today.

Comments

[Donna]

Affirmation and validation are grace gifts. Thank you for sharing this post. Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog today. You freely offered affirmation; I am grateful.

[Bonnie Gray]

What struck me, Amy, as I read your post is how free your voice is -- and how very affirmed you are to offer today's encouragement. I think we all struggle with issues of self-esteem at the core -- because we long to be loved and validated. Thanks for sharing so openly for the jam - what a blessing!

[sara]

I to suffer with self esteem issues, thank you for the encouragement you have shared today xxx

[amykiane]

Wow. Bonnie your comment brought tears to my eyes. Over the past several months God has really been changing me and through it all hes given me back my writing. Im in the process of writing a series of posts about all of it and its called Finding My Voice. Not just with my writing, but with the story God is writing in my life and being able to share it. For you to say how free my voice is in my writing means a great deal. I am so grateful for your encouragement. -- Amy

[amykiane]

Thank you for visiting my blog Donna. I have never thought of affirmation and validation as grace gifts. What a wonderful way of viewing them. Thank you for sharing that with me. -- Amy

[amykiane]

Thank you for your sweet words Sara. -- Amy

[Katie]

Validate and affirmation - oh I so need it all the time. I suffer from low self esteem. It is often easier to believe the "bad" than that I have any "good" in me at all. Thank you for sharing.

[amykiane]

Thank you for stopping by Katie. I hope the post helped you in some way. I know low self-esteem is something I struggle with daily, but God is showing me so much including that how much I am valued by Him is all I need. The affirmation and validation from others is just icing. -- Amy

[Debbie]

I am so glad that you received the gift of encouragement in the form of affirmation from friends.

I read a book called "The Love Languages" and learned that each of us receives love in different ways. Some need words of affirmation, others need touch, and some need acts of service or gifts. After learning this it helped me to give love to the people close to me in their love language.

I wonder if those closest to you realized your love language is words of affirmation, it might be helpful,

Regardless, God loves you. I often have to remember that if you or I were the only people on earth, He loved us so much He would have sent Jesus to die for our sins. How amazing and special is that?

Blessings and love,
Debbie

[amykiane]

Hi Debbie. Thank you so much for stopping by. I have read The Five Love Languages. Most all my friends do know that is my love language. I dont blame them for not really remembering. We are all so busy raising our families we get overwhelmed with just life. And most of my friends arent creatives. God uses it to keep me humble and thankfully does send the encouragement when I truly need it. Thank you again for stopping by. -- Amy

[Jennifer Gamble]

Great post - I linked over from Alabama Bloggers - it is so true - we wall want to be validated in all that we do - even if you have great self esteem, you want to feel purposeful for what you do. PS - I agree with the grey hair - it looks very distingushed on you!

Jennifer (Green Door Girl - greendoordesigns.blogspot.com)

[Zee]

Wandered here from Michael Perkins' blog.

I hear you about one hurtful thing that makes one retreat and takes numerous good remarks to make up for that one. I guess that thing also makes me struggle with accepting grace - because whenever I think of it, I can't help but remember all the wrongs I did... and it's a catch 22, 'cuz one can't earn grace...

but He loves us sooo very much and I believe (and hold on to that belief) that He doesn't make mistakes :)

*hugs*

Zee

[LaDonna N]

Hi Amy: I stumbled upon your blog googling for articles on affirmation and validation because of issues going on in my own world. Your words were very timely and are much appreciated. Have a great day.